The Babysitting Detectives
by ninewood
Summary: Taking place after episode 05x16 Fidelity, Sherlock and Joan babysit Kitty's son, Archie.


_**A/N: My first Sherlock story was based on the scene where Sherlock was babysitting his goddaughter, Rosie. So I thought it was only fair for Sherlock and Joan to do the same with Archie. I hope I got the characters right. Please review.**_

"Watson!" Sherlock shouted as he came upstairs from the kitchen when the sharp sound of a baby crying filled the air and he cupped his ears with his hands. "Kitty, your son is crying!"

"He's crying because you're shouting," Joan said as she walked out of the study and headed to the couch. Kitty's son, Archie, was sitting in the car seat as he sniffed and she turned, glaring at Sherlock while folding her arms across her chest.

"Oh," Sherlock said as his face softened and he cautiously walked to stand next to her. When Kitty had brought Archie to meet him, Sherlock was stunned to say the least, but he was also very happy that she had finally found some happiness in her life. He was also stunned when she asked him and Joan to be Archie's godparents. "Where…? Where is Kitty?"

"She and Margaret went back to her place to get a few things."

"Ah," he said with a light nod to his head, looked at Archie then looked at her. "And what are we supposed to do with Archie while they're gone?"

"We're babysitting," she said and he frowned.

"I never understood why they call watching after an infant or some children by that name. We're not actually going to sit on him, are we?"

"No, but…"

"Then why not call it what it is? We're looking after Archie until his mother returns," he said as he lightly bounced on the balls of his feet and she sighed, rolling his eyes. Feeling ignored, Archie started crying again and Sherlock tilted his head to one side. "He's crying again."

"He might feel better if you pick him up."

"Alright," Sherlock said as he leaned down and lifted Archie out of the car seat then held him out at arms' length and Joan's eyes widened.

"Not like that!"

"What is wrong with the way I am holding him?"

"You're holding him like he's a bomb that's about to go off."

Sherlock moved Archie closer as he used his left arm to support him and Archie leaned against Sherlock's chest. Sherlock felt his heart jump as he softly smiled and used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears from Archie's cheeks. Joan silently admitted he looked sweet while holding Archie and she walked over to table, removed two tissues from her purse then walked back to Sherlock, handing him the tissues. Nodding, he used the tissues to wipe Archie's eyes and nose and Archie looked up at Sherlock.

"He still seems upset," Sherlock said when he lightly jiggled Archie up and down and Joan smiled.

"That's helps," she said, pointing to what he was doing and Sherlock nodded. He started pacing while he made some silly faces at Archie and Archie made a little giggle.

"He seems to like it when I make faces at him," he said, giving her a smug look and headed for the media room.

"Sherlock?" Joan asked, following after him and he picked up the remote to change the channels on the screens. He stopped when several cartoons started playing at once and he sat down on the chair. "What are you doing?"

"We're watching cartoons."

"All of them?"

"He seems to be enjoying it," he said, looking at Archie and Archie was smiling. Sighing, Joan walked out of the room as Sherlock looked at the screens and gently wrapped his arms around his godson.

"How much longer?" Sherlock asked as Archie cried and he lightly jiggled him up and down, making soft hushing sounds.

"Just a few more seconds," Joan asked as she checked the bottle warmer and Sherlock sat down at the table. He placed Archie on his lap as he used the tissue to wipe Archie's nose and Joan checked to see if the milk was warm enough. Walking to the table, she handed Sherlock the plastic baby bottle and he took the plastic baby bottle as he looked at the milk and gently moved the plastic baby bottle side to side. Assured the milk was now safe to drink, Sherlock leaned Archie back before placing the nipple in Archie's mouth and arched the plastic baby bottle up to allow the milk to come out. Satisfied with being fed, Archie made little slurping noises while he held onto the plastic baby bottle and Sherlock smiled.

"Not so fast. You don't want to develop gas bubbles, do you?" he said, tilting his head to one side. Joan leaned against the counter while she watched Sherlock and Archie and he moved Archie up a little bit. "You're staring."

"Well, it's not every day I get to see you doing something like this," Joan said with a small smile. "You're a natural."

"Thank you," he said as he removed the nipple from Archie's mouth then used a napkin to wipe the spittle from Archie's lips before placing Archie against his left shoulder and gently patted Archie's back. "I guess you're wondering where I learned how to do this."

"I was wondering."

"It was back while I was working for Scotland Yard. I was involved with a missing person case and the kidnapper had left behind the woman's baby. She didn't have any family so someone had to look after the infant."

"You volunteered to look after it?"

"Seeing how I was the one who found her, I thought it would be a good idea."

"Why didn't Child Services take her?"

"They tried, but she would cry every time they tried to take her from me."

"How long did it take you to find her mother?"

"It took four days. Luckily, she was alive when we found her and she was very pleased with how well I took care of her daughter."

"No offense, but this was before you got addicted to heroin, right?"

"Yes," he said as Archie make a soft burp and Sherlock felt something wet moving down his shoulder. "It appears Archie has just been sick on me."

"I'll go get a towel," Joan said as she tried to not laugh and Sherlock moved Archie back so they could look at each other and Sherlock sighed, lightly shaking his head.

Joan came upstairs with Sherlock's shirt when she headed into the living room then stopped near the couch and blinked. Sherlock was sitting on the floor with Archie sitting on his lap and stacks of books surrounded them. Moving across the floor was Clyde and the turtle was trying to climb over one of the dolls from the dollhouse.

"Careful, Watson. That is a very dangerous dragon. He has already killed all of our guards," Sherlock said and she gave him an amused look and reached out to hand him his shirt. Archie didn't seem to mind Sherlock sitting there without a shirt, but she did and Sherlock nodded, placing the shirt on.

"Oh, I don't think he's that dangerous," she said as she gently picked Clyde off the floor then noticed Sherlock had taken out his toy atom and module kit. "What are those for?"

"We were trying to build a dinosaur with them to defend the castle when the dragon attacked."

"Well, don't forget to clean up your toys when you're done," she said while placing Clyde on the floor then stood up when Sherlock smelt something sour and looked down at Archie.

"I think we have a problem."

"What's wrong?"

"Archie has wet himself."

"Too bad there is a dangerous dragon between us or I'd help you change him," she said as she started walking away then stopped when she heard the books being moved and turned to see Sherlock quickly getting off the floor with Archie in his arms.

"The dragon is dead. Now, can we please do something about this smell? It's disgusting," he said, walking to her. Nodding, she walked over to the couch as she picked up the diaper bag and they headed upstairs.

"You're sure you know what you're doing?" Joan asked while Sherlock looked at the tube of diaper cream then placed the tube back on the counter.

"I told you I took care of a baby for four days. One of the things I had to do was change her nappy," he said while unsnapping the snaps of the baby jeans Archie was wearing and Archie wiggled his legs back and forth. "Yes. Yes. I'm hurrying."

Joan watched Sherlock as he looked through the diaper bag for the disposable diapers when he removed one with small yellow ducks on it and unfolded the diaper like he was unfolding a map. He placed the diaper on the counter then moved the tabs of the old diaper back and Joan arched an eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked and she sighed.

"I think you're about to make a mistake."

"Nonsense," he said when he moved the diaper back and glanced at Joan. "See?!"

Suddenly a small stream of pee hit Sherlock in the chest as he looked down and Archie started giggling.

"You forgot to….," Joan said as Sherlock glared at her, walked out of the room and she laughed at the loud sound of his bedroom door closing. Shaking her head, she looked at Archie as he sucked on his fist and she lightly tickled his stomach. "Good shot."

Margaret and Kitty walked down the sidewalk as they chatted and Kitty adjusted the hold she had on the strap of the overnight bag which was hanging over her right shoulder. They headed up the stairs to the brownstone when Kitty noticed the piece of paper taped to the front door and **KITTY** was written in large letters. She opened the piece of paper when she started reading and a small smile spread across her face.

 _Kitty,_

 _As much as I understand your need to acquire some of your things from your old flat, I do not like being made a fool of._

 _You purposely left your child here with myself and Watson in order for us to "bond"._

 _I admit your ruse has worked and I have enjoyed some of the time we have spent together, but you failed to take into account three very important things._

 _You are breast feeding Archibald. This means you need to return to tend to his needs or you will experience lactate leakage._

 _You failed to call and inquire how things are going._

 _You didn't leave information in regards what we are supposed to do if there is an emergency._

 _I will not fault you for these transgression, but do hope you will be more careful in the future._

 _Sherlock_

"Does this mean he is angry with us or not?" Margaret asked, looking at the piece of paper.

"No, he's not angry. He's just politely telling me off," Kitty said as she knocked on the door and Joan opened the door just enough to look at them. "Hi,"

"Hi," she said as she stood back and they came inside. Joan quietly closed the door when she hushed them and they walked toward the living room. She wiggled her finger as they walked closer and she pointed to the two figures sleeping on the couch. Sherlock was stretched out on the couch with one foot on the floor and Archie was resting comfortably on his chest and upper stomach. Both of them looked content as Sherlock made a soft sigh and Archie did the same. Sherlock slid his arm up as he adjusted his position on the couch and Joan watched Kitty remove her phone from her purse and took a photo.

"How long have them been sleeping?" Margaret asked in a soft voice.

"They just fell asleep," Joan said, looking at Sherlock.

"Looks like you've been having fun," Kitty said as she looked at the stacks of books, the dolls, the toy atoms and modules and Clyde crawled out from behind one of the piles of books.

"Yeah. It's been…interesting," Joan said with a smile. "Do you want something to eat?"

Nodding, they headed for the stairs while Sherlock opened one eye, watched them head downstairs then sighed, closed his eye and smiled, going back to sleep.


End file.
